|| When Fancy Pants Went to the Gym ||

FairyFinalContrary to what people often believe, I have always been scared to go to places with too many men around. Gym happens to be one of them. Growing up I could never connect with the thought processes of the other boys in my class. I would be scared of passing across streets or playgrounds where most boys often played football or cricket. I was scared that the ball would come to me and they’d ask me to kick or throw the ball for them. So I’d take a longer way to my tuition classes or while going to the nearby stationary so that I never had to come across them. So this summers I gathered all the courage within me and finally made up my mind to go and start working out. I still try going to the gym at times when there aren’t as many men around. It just makes me awkward and shy. In fact I’m as awkward in a lift with another guy around. It’s the funniest thing to me. But that’s how it is. I don’t really think that’s exactly how it is for all the other gay men and I can’t generalize. Maybe it’s because I have always seen guys as bullies or a group of people who look down upon me. That’s how school was for me even till the end. But we’ve moved on. So let’s hope for better things to happen.

Anyways, as you can see ‘The Effeminare Man’ loves working out and has a dream body to die for. He’s proud of being who he truly is and is happy to carry his pair of wings around. So have you got the balls to be a fairy as well?

Peace in.

|When my World was Candy|

Durga Puja Days

So the other day, I was a little low and I was thinking about the time last semester when I was genuinely very happy. A friend of mine was doing a project sort of thing for her Psychology paper and I was her subject. One of the questions in her questionnaire was how often do I get upset. I ticked “I am always happy”. A while after I went, “You know what, even this won’t last forever. I am gonna get back into that vicious cycle of human emotions. But yeah, as if I care!” And almost 7 months after, I just wish I could get back to being that way again. So I switched on to this amazing song from Monsoon Wedding, “Rabba Rabba Mee Barsa“. This song always gets me going. I absolutely love the movie. It is undoubtedly one of the finest movies by Mira Nair and I was incredibly happy when I’d watched this movie for the first time last year. It has the most awfully lovable songs from the late nineties (Remember ‘Chunari chunari’?). There is a certain sense of nostalgia associated with this movie. Every little thing in it reminds me of the way things used to be. From the tap (the T-shaped ones) and the white tiled sink, to the clothes, the picture of Delhi that I had in my mind back in 2000 to the songs again. It was all so beautiful. My world comprised of the little Kaniha, and that long coniferous tree at the end of my block. When I didn’t bother about how I looked, or what I ate. When competition and heart breaks hadn’t taken over me. When liars and fake promises didn’t exist in my life. When I did not have to be the quintessential man. When the real world hadn’t taken over me.

Where did it all go wrong? Duh! I grew up. 2014 has been a roller coaster ride. I used to be a lot different than I am today. I became more real and practical than the dreamy me. I do like the way things are today. I like being secure but there’s always a little emptiness that we all have to deal with everyday. A lot of my illusions have been all shattered. And I am glad. It is very important to face the reality and work over it than just wish for it. God is incredible. Everything that we come across in life is wrapped around with a lesson inside. Difficult to learn but acceptance makes it easier to deal with.

I know I can’t go back in time. But I can’t help thinking about how it used to be. May be tomorrow I’ll think about today and be like, “How amazing were those college days?”. So moral of the story? Let’s not be a tape that keeps getting stuck all the time and keep rolling no matter what. It’s good to be nostalgic, it’s good to go back in time. But sometimes, you need to stop bothering yourself with the past and just suck it up. Your present is what you have with you. Celebrate it. And the rest will be taken care of.

Peace in.