Why you should talk about Sex and Sexuality with your Ma and Pa

Mum and Pa <3

Mum and Pa ❤

 

I very clearly remember this one time my father, my sister and I were watching ‘Gladrags Supermodel Hunt’ on television  way back in 2003-04 or probably before that and they had a swimwear round. So they had all the men and women parading down the ramp in thongs and under-wears and there was suddenly a strange awkwardness in the room. My sister and I looked at each other and my father quickly changed the channel. And I guarantee you this is the story of every middle-class Indian’s household. We never spoke about sex. In fact till the time I was fourteen I still thought sex was a bad word and should be never brought up in a conversation. So now you know I grew up real slow!

When I came out to my parents before my nineteenth birthday, I remember my father smiling at me. But it was his usual nervous smile. He didn’t know how to react. My mother on the other hand was very vocal about her disbelief in her son’s sexuality, condemning it at once and went all berserk saying, “This is all the result of those English films you watch all the time. It’s the Western culture getting into your system.” Then followed those months of crying and cribbing over how God had been so unkind to her and unjust with her and no willingness to accept any logical explanation to her crazy list of questions. Their denial was the toughest part. It was frustrating and I couldn’t believe the fact that it was happening to me? An openly gay guy at his college who’s never let anyone bully him and has strongly asserted his sexuality with pride? But interestingly for the first time in years, my father wanted to talk about sex with me. We had a very long conversation where he brought up topics I would’ve never in my wildest dreams thought of him to be talking about with me. It was insane! We spoke about sex, sexuality, attraction, masturbation to pornography. And I’m so glad he did! But he wished for only one thing from me- to never write about my sexuality openly on a social networking platform, which was impossible for me to do but I totally appreciated the fact that he was only being a protective father. But I also got a very genuine advice from a teacher who asked me to never give up on my parents no matter how politically incorrect their arguments were.

I really wouldn’t have ever expected how wonderfully my father stood beside me every time I was in a fix during the entire phase of me preparing for Mr. Gay World. He held my hand and walked me through the toughest times, gave me a hug when I needed it the most, helped me emotionally and financially without even questioning me twice. Neither of my parents ever questioned me when they saw my pictures in a swimwear, which honestly is a big deal given how we grew up. Coming Out is difficult anywhere in the world and more so for our parents who have grown up in a hetero-normative society. Be real patient with your parents, respect them for who they are because the only people who will stand beside you when you’re in a fix are your parents with their undying support and belief in you. Words fail to express how grateful I am to my parents. They truly are the real support-system in my life and I’m so very blessed to have them.

 

Love and Light

Anwesh

Queen Of Muzaffarnagar

The Muzaffarnagar riots were one of the worst things that happened to India in a long-long time. It’s a shame that people in our country still fight for issues as shallow as religion and here I am writing a blog aiming at queer acceptance that more often than not seems like a far-fetched dream when even the basic forms of equality is no where to be seen in parts of the country But we’re not losing hope ‘cos we’re either too headstrong or way too naive to be fighting this war. I really wanted to write a story of how powerful ‘queer-ness’ could be. Because I ain’t writing any sob-story. 😉 Read on to know the story of the ‘Queen of Muzaffarnagar.’

Artist At Work Productions

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It was a regular Saturday morning except for the fact that it had been raining for almost a day now. I was sitting on the veranda which also happens to be my favourite part of the house when i heard a familiar voice calling out.

“Arnesh! You know the riots are on right? You shouldn’t be sitting out there in the open.”

“But it’s raining Didi! And I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t kill a kid. Look I also have that cap gun you got me for Diwali last year.”

To which she sighed and said, “I wish they thought like you did!”

Shubham Didi worked as a Math teacher in a nearby school. I was the only one allowed to call her Shubham. I don’t exactly remember when she switched her name to Shobhaa from Shubham but I couldn’t let go of the habit and she was okay as long…

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|| Was born a MUTANT || :P

Picture source: http://www.comicvine.com

        How incredible it is to see the way our minds change within just a year. We are constantly evolving and changing. Bullies become supporters. Enemies become friends. Unpleasant moments become happy memories.

        At school I always wanted to be with the cool kids. The people who had a cool set of friends like the one they had in *Friends*. The truth is we are all misfits and our weaknesses and limitations are our strength. No one’s perfect. We are all trying to lead the near perfect life. That is what keeps us going. Some have to fight racism, diseases, break-ups, while others have to suffer abuse and embarrassment. I told a guy, a year younger to me, that I had joined Kathak (an Indian classical dance form) for my self-growth credits and he was quick to answer me back, “Aren’t you ashamed of going for the classes?” Another friend of mine asked me if there was something different about my body. Earlier it befuddled me how unaware some of us were. It doesn’t bother me anymore. Words are powerful. Very very powerful. And we need to keep a check on them. If you are unaware and speak something stupid, that is still pardonable. But knowing and not responding accordingly is sheer stubbornness. I don’t mind being called a girl, a bisexual, a transgender, or any other fancy sexuality you can associate me with. For me what matters the most is whether am being good enough as an individual.

I usually don’t look back and analyze things because I’m not going that way. But I like how I’ve made friends with my bullies. They were just unaware. I’m not upset and I don’t want to be angry. I was once. But I no more am. Anger makes things and situations messier. Don’t crib over how imperfect things were or are. Nobody had a perfect childhood. Nobody had the perfect prom. Nobody is going to get it all. We can only prioritize.

Every situation we go through is a well calculated measure by god. He’s given us a wonder bucket full of hope and talent. And he’s given us a little mug of problems. Sometimes the mug devours on our hope and faith. More like the way how fire feeds on oxygen. We are all mutants with special powers. My father once told me that human beings are the greatest creation of God. We’re lucky to be born as humans. Our superpower is the hope that we live with. Save it up. Preserving it is the key to success. Don’t let the mug take over the bucket. Don’t let the mug empty your wonder bucket. You can make it big. You will make it big. End of story.

Peace in.