Nehima’s #FittingOut Story- “I’m Asexual”

Firstly, a very Happy New Year to you guys! This is officially my first post of the year, so yay! Anyway my first post this year is another Fitting Out story that I’ve been eagerly waiting to share. And here it goes:

” When I realised I was asexual I had hit puberty and my classmates were getting increasingly sexual. I, on the other hand, remained the same. The apparent change in sexuality was more pronounced when I shifted to a new school. I was still the same person. I knew all the jargon but felt none of the hormonal urges. I read up a lot about what I was missing out on. I didn’t, however, read anything on asexuality because I did not know that such a term existed. So I hid behind a mask of knowledge and double meaning jokes. I faked it till I could convince everyone that yes, I wanted to make out with that cute boy. But I never believed it. Once I entered eleventh grade, any ounce of sexuality I may have had (highly unlikely) was further pushed in the background till it merged with the obscure blankness of the unknown. This was the time when I didn’t care about the fact that I had friends or not. I became secluded (not related to asexuality but to the fact that I started reading novels and studying). My friends were the boys in my group with whom I discussed problems and novel storylines (they read too, much to my surprise). I made a few strong friends here, some of whom I still talk to. Anyway, I digress. So, still asexual. I first heard the term while reading about LGBT. I wanted to know what was happening to me (I thought maybe I was a lesbian). No one knew much about it at that time but the definition of asexuality clicked with me. I knew that I was an asexual. I never told anyone about it though.

    When I told my family about being an asexual I completed my school without any event and entered college. It was a fun transition for me, one that I enjoyed a lot. I got to start over with a completely new and random set of people. I cut my hair short, changed my wardrobe (mom helped with that), and slept off the exhaustion of the last two years. But I still was an asexual. I saw how the females reacted in the presence of attractive males and my reaction wouldn’t be the same. They noticed this and I was mockingly termed half-male, half-female. I had no issues with that and I went along with this label. They didn’t mean any harm. After my first year, I made amazing friends. I met two brave individuals (Anwesh and a boy from my school) who are homosexuals and who are supported by their family and friends. I saw the love they got and thought of telling my family. This asexuality posed a problem for any possibility of marriage since my parents want me to have an arranged marriage. In an arranged marriage, the poor unsuspecting husband wouldn’t know that his wife is an asexual and doesn’t want to have sex. He would expect sex and would feel cheated. So, I had ruled out marriage a long time ago (since the time I realised that I was an asexual) unless I fall in love with a man who understands what he’s getting into and still wants me. I sat my parents down and told them that I wouldn’t get married, definitely not an arranged marriage. They reacted with shock. I put forward my reasons (asexuality being the brightest point). My parents said that this was a good thing and that I would grow out of it once I got married. I said that I wouldn’t. This was permanent. It wouldn’t change. They refused to listen, to understand. So I let it pass resolving to tell them this again. My sibling reacted much better and was genuinely happy for me. Fast forward one year. I decided to tell my parents once again, this time separately. So, father first. Same response, “it’ll pass, it’s good that you don’t feel this right now” and nervous giggling. My mother, too, reacted the same way. My only option was to make them read articles on asexuality. They both support the LGBT campaign. They would support this too once they realised that I won’t just ‘get over it’. And I did just that. Third time’s the charm I guess because my parents finally understood what I was talking about and supported me. I still have not told my friends and other members of my family but over time, I will. Till then, I shall remain anonymous.”

— Nehima