The Silent Mourner? No More.

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Way back in December 2014. Location: Ramachandi Beach. Picture by my sis.

Every morning as I wake up, the first thing I do is thank God for what I have today. I am extremely grateful to him for every little thing I have in my life, because not all of us have been lucky enough to have had a happy childhood. As I went through Kevin Kantor’s powerful poem named “People you may know”, there was this one line that hit me the most. “No one comes running for young boys who cry rape.”

It is no doubt one of the most influential poems I’ve come across in a long-long time. He talks about how he found his abuser on Facebook in the ‘People you may know’ section and when he checked his profile, he had three mutual friends with the same man. Such men are no different and do not live in some parallel universe. They very much live with us. Lately I’ve been coming across a lot of stories, more importantly in India than abroad that talk about the horrific crime of child abuse and how no one really looks at it as something that needs to be talked about. Men get raped too. And we all need to be aware enough to stop this from ever happening to an individual again. A YouTube video shared by ScoopWhoop showed a guy narrating his experience as a little kid when one of his teachers took him to the staff-room, asked him to take his pants off and forced himself on him. Another guy told how he was held up at gun point and asked to give blow jobs  to a group of men along with his partner. I was deeply shocked when I heard of all these stories that I had never heard of.  We hardly got to know about it when Shia LaBeouf came out and told us about the time he was raped during his performance art project. Why had I not heard of them before?Because men can’t be raped? Or men raping men isn’t a story spicy enough to be written down a newspaper? Or is it because they never came out and spoke about it? There could be several reasons why I might not have heard about it. But currently what matters is that we speak about such issues like the way people like Kevin Kantor and Harrish Iyer have. Because it exists and it is high time that we fix this. When your child comes to you crying for help, listen to him. Children hardly lie about issues like these. Help them because you care about their well-being.

I’m pretty sure you must have heard about the doctor from AIIMS whose wife killed herself after she got to know that he was cheating on her with another man and was constantly torturing her for perhaps dowry. I have been very vocal about how important it is to come out and not be weighed down by how the society perceives you even in my previous posts. (A Seven on pH-> https://theeffeminare.wordpress.com/2014/05/22/a-seven-on-ph/)

For god’s sake, talk to people. You have an Internet connection. Google stuff. You can never fake things till the end. There’s a threshold level. Once it breaks off, you’ll never be able to keep it all in. I very well understand how difficult it might be for you to come out. Many parents tend to live in denial for years. But they will finally understand. I personally don’t give a shit about what my peers think about myself. I’ve made some very close friends after I came out and have as well lost many. But the friends I have now mean so much to me than the ones who left. People will judge you. I have met men who on getting to know about my sexuality sort of back off. I have as well met men who on knowing that I have come out, have stood beside me and have fought for me. Stand by your true self proudly and the rest will be taken care of. If you still think you need time to come out, for heaven’s sake don’t let another individual’s life be adversely affected  by it.

Last year I was seeing a guy who when we first started talking seemed like the perfect guy. He had told me about a guy at his workplace who was never able to rise above being a judgmental chauvinistic pig. He was picked on every day he went to work. He was also being forced to marry off a girl chosen by his family. And here he was talking to me and living the life of a virtual player on the social network. I advised him to take a stand and at least try talking to his parents before making things worse for him. We can all give it a try. We’re stronger than we think we are. Such dating apps in fact have become a refuge for a lot of guys and have cemented their view that they could perhaps lead a dual life where they can happily date men online, have a perfectly healthy sex life and can as well maintain the image of a perfect husband and more importantly the quintessential man offline. An illusion is an illusion. It’ll wear off one day and will hit you harder than you think it will. Don’t get off guard with such delusional apps. They’ll perhaps do more bad than good to you.

Peace in.

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Picture from last year. Thought it was my last day at Umeed (near Qutub Minar). I got back this year with AAW’s Impart and it was still the same. Always happy to get back to Umeed. Location: Qutub Minar

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