The Pants that never FIT

I got my hair colored! ^_^

 Frankly speaking I’ve been a misfit up-til now and I don’t know how it would be in the years to come but I definitely do not want to miss out on that feeling of having to live in a perfectly fitting pair of skinny jeans. There are times when I think about it and I feel like am I falling in love with the not-so-perfect (though I’d like to believe those are perfect :P) situations I’ve been living in? I’m kind of a little concerned. I don’t want to be a victim who falls in love with his own aggressor. I’m scared of living a life of Stockholm syndrome. There are in fact times when I love being unique. For instance, a month back I went to this gay pub where I had the most awful experience (also because I had never see so many people making out around me. Though I love attending Queer meetings). For once when I was in a world where everybody was like me, I didn’t feel like me anymore. I was devoid of the feeling of that sense of distinction that I live with. And then there are times when I just want to fit in. Then it was sexuality, and now it has been my career. This blog-post isn’t a cry for acceptance. It might in some way be a cry for inner-peace. The end to self-denial happened to be the beginning of education in a stream where I can never imagine myself working. To some extent I think we all want to be unique but similar in other ways. I think that could be the answer to the dilemma that I’ve been living with. As a kid you want to be like all your peers and then you learn to feed yourself with this idea of having to stand-out.  Life indeed isn’t a set of binary digits. It’s complicated!

I don’t know if I should let all the unpleasant memories be erased out of my mind. I want to forget most of them but I want to remember some. That way I learn to not take my life for granted. They remind me everyday of how special this life is to me and that it didn’t come easy.

I believe that it is very important to understand the importance of living in our present and not over think of what our future holds. I do tend to think of what is the next thing that I must concentrate on but in a bid to do so I have eventually realized that it is in fact the only thing that I keep thinking about. I have stopped living in my present. It is high-time and I must realize that not every door that I will have to walk through is going to turn out to be my favorite one. So the doors that we do not want to walk through must be examined properly and understood before taking the plunge. Studying for instance wasn’t my favorite thing to do as a kid. But I couldn’t be more glad that my mum had forced me to sit down and study because it’s been enriching. Education has in fact helped me grow in many different ways than I can count. I really want to teach myself to look at this phase of my education to be an opportunity. Something within me always reminds me that, yes! This is worth it. (And this is also the way I keep myself going).

So I just realized the ridiculous amount of things I keep thinking when I sit down to study. While I started writing this I went through the End-semester examination’s schedule. I came across Molecular Biology and that led me to think about Bio-chemistry. That reminded me of my friend studying Chemistry in Miranda, the kind of job opportunities in that field to what kind of job will I be getting in the future, to what will be the first thing that I’ll get when I earn my first salary, to how much money am I left with for shopping for the Goa trip to I have examinations before the trip, Oh Frack! I haven’t started yet and I have an exam in eight hours.

Met one of my favorite persons on earth. Love ya Didi! :*
And as they say it, Location courtesy: K Nags. 😛

Peace in!

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