During the days when taking up Science was a prestige issue and when cracking JEE Mains was every teenager’s ultimate goal, there lived a guy named Annie. Annie was a loner. Annie stunk at sports. And Annie loved to eat. Annie had two girl friends named Niki Minaj and A-Rushi. They were together known as the Sexy Geeks. But nobody knew of their special powers. They had the hugest appetite on earth for sex-related- gossips. They could gossip all day long. But they were first benchers and hence were considered naïve.
|I never knew I had John Lennon glasses, that too with red frames. Isse kehte hain “Hip-Hop” #BeingDesiKalakaarSince1995 😛|
One fine day while Annie was sneaking into A-Rushi’s bag for her Tiffin box, his heart almost sunk into his stomach. A-Rushi and Niki Minaj were holding hands. A-Rushi hugged Niki Minaj and acknowledged that she had feelings for Niki Minaj. And then they gave their boards to live a happily ever after. Annie was shocked and was in despair. The two girls he had loved so much had now apportioned their love in the ratio of 1:4, with the lower proportion assigned to Annie and the higher one for ‘Food’. But Annie didn’t give up. He accepted that “Change was indeed the only constant”, and that he had to accept and adapt to the new situation. He continued a life of sneaking into A-Rushi’s bag for her lunchbox. But there was another thing that bothered him more. He had become suicidal. He preferred C6H6O (refer to your Chemistry books if you don’t remember :P) over milk and Canteen ka khaana over Maa ke haath ka Khaana. He told one of his teachers he felt differently. Porn had given him the kind of enlightenment that his elders couldn’t. He had realized that humans had sex a lot more often than the number of kids they required. He cried and cried and cried. With tears in his eyes, he asked his teacher for help. She took him to the School counselor.
Counselor: So what is it? You’re Annie right?
Annie: Yes. ^_^ It’s just that I feel like I haven’t felt like the way I should’ve felt.
Counselor: Just say it. -_-
Annie: I think am asexual. (Yeah right! Like why would you do that Annie?)
Counselor: I’ll ask you something personal. Have you ever masturbated?
Annie: (Hain? She just asked me that. She’s like the coolest teacher ever. I’m so glad I had Googled this once.) No! (Bwahahahahahahahahaha. ROFL! Can’t believe I just did that. Like how did I so convincingly shake my head?)
Counselor: Ahem! Oh okay. So you’ve never felt that way for anybody?
Annie: Nope! (I know I just did that again).
Counselor: Like never felt sexually for anybody?
Annie: No. #FacePalm
Counselor: (With an “I know you’re lying kinda look on her face”) Look, I think you’re concentrating too much on studies. So you feel pressurized and feel like you don’t have the time for this. It’s fine. Completely fine. Like take your time. Take some rest. It’s good that you’re concentrating so much.
Annie: (Speak something Annie. Make sure you seem as if you’ve got it all and she’s solved the problem) Yes ma’am. I think I got it. I guess I think too much of what tomorrow’s going to be like. I’ll keep all the things you’ve said to me in my mind. Thank you ma’am.
The session had come to an end and Annie be like “Imma Fu*k Cool” #Swag