|===The Guilt Trip===|

That one question that frustrates me to the core is a question that my mum asks me most often. “How is it that you don’t enjoy engineering? Everybody is doing it, right? Then how is it that you don’t?”

I don’t get angry very often. I used to as a kid. But anger and I don’t go hand in hand anymore. It is pretty tough to invoke that within me, and I couldn’t be more glad. *Touchwood*. I absolutely hate one thing about me. That Guilt! It’s like you want to do shit to things and people but you can’t. It’s that feeling of “Nothing brightens up my day as much as your absence in the room”. People do shit to you, but your conscience stops you from doing it back to them. And at times when you do give in to your anger and say things to people, you feel like shit. I call it the “Shit Paradox“. You can’t do shit to people, and when you do, you feel like shit. Too much shit. But shit happens.

  To new friends, happiness and the acceptance that comes with it. This is me 
with a friend that I made recently. It’s always encouraging to have people who accept you the way you are. #Selfie 
       We live in a weird and wonderful world. A more forward one, where most of the things that were considered taboo then, are acceptable now. And when in such a situation, your parents tell you you’re wrong, it compels you to question your conscience. Am I doing it right? I recently came across this video of Nancy Deloye Fitzroy- the first female student to become a chemical engineer. She spoke about the kind of struggle she’d been through and the kind of stereotypes she had to fight to get through her education. I wondered how it would’ve been back then for people of the Queer community to have been able to do the things that they wanted to. The peaceful co-existence of just men and women has already been super-tough. The happy and equal existence of the third gender still seems a little difficult to me. But then yeah, hope is everything. I just hope that I get to live in a world where people like me will happily co-exist. I wish we had an app that could tell us if we were doing it right. I mean the eff man! This is so confusing. Why do we have to make decisions all the time. Deciding is so tough. 

      So recently I’ve been able to meet a lot of new people. And it’s been super fun. I like being able to live the best of both the worlds. Like I’m not indifferent to any section of people. I love being with women and I have more girl friends than boy friends. I have to live in the boys hostel, so I started being friends with guys. And getting to go to queer community meetings is always a blessing. And I don’t know why but everybody wants relationship advice from me- a person who has had no prior experience in any such real human relationship. (Virtual? May be! ) 😛

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s