The One with The Pretty Face!

Oh F**k! He’s so pretty man. An year back when I joined this college, I was mesmerized by the pretty faces around me. Felt like a perfect K Jo movie. And I for the first time could appreciate the fact that even I could fall for someone. I met my first real crush. And there were so many I fell for. There was that brainy guy, the well-built one, the tall one, the pretty face, and that..Uh! Forget it! How does it even remotely matter anymore. I had never experienced any of this before. So much freedom, so many men around, 
The Eff! This was heaven man. 

Unfortunately not every man you fall for would be “The One”. Love is actually a pretty strong term. You never fall in love with someone instantly. It is a process. There should be that connection. He should care for you. He shouldn’t be the one who’s there for a week and vanishes into the thin air for the next four weeks. I’ve come to realise that there are so many men around, for whom it is so easy to just stop reacting to the person who’s fallen for them. They think once they stop reacting, things would simply fall back into place. If you’re one of them, then I just want you to know that it’s far more easier for you to move on than it is for them. Some people aren’t such *Playas* the way you are. Let the other person know that you’re a lot more than just that pretty face. Bahut philosophy jhaadta hoon mein! 😛 
During a group discussion session, I along with a group of other people (since it was a GD :P), were given the topic, “Beauty Over Brains” to talk about.Back then I gave the most goody answer on earth. I said “Of course brains.” It should be like that, but is it really like that? A lot of the times I tend to help people irrespective of their slack towards me, just because I had a soft corner for them someday. That is highly ridiculous, but I still do that. No matter how hard we try, we can’t stop judging the book by it’s cover, and I have proof. The man above is called “Jeremy Meeks”. And he’s known for being, yeah right you heard me, “BEAUTIFUL”. His, Ahem! Sexy mugshot has been doing the rounds on Facebook. Some people have also written, “He’s too pretty to be a criminal”. And I be like: ” Whad tha Fuck! Did you like even listen to yourself before typing that in.” He was arrested and charged for a felony charge of street terrorism as well as for a misdemeanor charge of resisting/obstruction of justice. But who cares, he’s pretty!

MORAL OF THE STORY: Pretty Faces Rule? Naah! Pretty Hearts any day Rule!  😉 😀

For the sake of MILK

Bruce Springsteen had once said and I quote, “I don’t want to be rich. I don’t want to be famous. I don’t even want to be happy. I just want to be great.”

Some days back I spoke to some one very special to me. Some one who loves me a lot more than I could think of. That person is some one I look up to. That person’s resilience made me fight my biggest fear. But that person, let’s just name that person say, Ex. Ex asked me to stop making my articles so public. Ex wanted me to be out, but not so quick. Ex wanted me to maintain a more private life. For my homosexuality according to Ex would make me distant. Distant from my roots. After all acceptance doesn’t come at once. It is a process. When I sit down to type, I’m not thinking of how my blog will make the world go upside down. I type for acceptance. I type for awareness. That might just get the world go upside down, after all you never know! 😉

I sat down to watch Milk, the 2008 american movie based on the life of one of the most incredible man who ever lived. Milk is not just a movie. It’s an experience. A movie so incredibly real, you could almost see the amount of effort that goes into making something as notable and wonderful as Milk. By the end of it I couldn’t stop crying. And I never in my life have ever cried watching a movie. Sean Penn is beyond perfect playing Harvey Milk. That one thing that keeps striking you is the character. I cannot imagine the amount of trouble and mess that people must have gone through to keep things going during the seventies. Even till the early nineties, it was only the gay people who supported themselves.Only ten percent of the entire of the world, supported themselves. Imagine the kind of life where you have no one to tell you you’re not wrong. But Milk had hope and he taught everyone out there to live by it.

I came across the movie Milk while watching the 2009 Academy awards which I FYI was watching only because Slumdog Millionaire had been nominated for an Oscar. I was still closeted back then. I didn’t even know I was gay back then (I didn’t know the way I felt was called gay) and I don’t think I could have ever imagined the kind of influence this movie would someday have on me. I feel sad when I see the amount of people who’ve fought for gay rights and then the way it is still perceived in India. And why just India? There are so many countries where there is still so much to be done. Now there’s no time to be tired. Let’s pull up our socks and get going. There’s so much work to be done.

|| To Have It All ||

    To be honest something within me just wants to have it all. I want to be able to do everything. I want every day of my life to be exciting. I want every day of my life, every moment of it to be perfect. I want to know how it feels when you’re in love. And may be I have experienced it. But I want to live a life when am in love forever- the same energy, the same passion, the same amount of ecstasy. And then I realize that I expect so much from my life already. What if it doesn’t go that way?

My biggest fear in life would be the fear of not being able to live it to the fullest. I want to be able to do what I want to do each and every moment of my life. I want to be energetic and young always. And something within me tells me I can. We all can. There are moments when you feel this is not going good. This could be so much better. And then you feel pathetic. You feel like shit. But then we’re all humans. It is okay to have such meltdowns. Just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed. #ReadThatOnFacebook. Yes, sometimes even “Facebook-ing” can help. I read this somewhere and I want to believe this is true. One can’t wait and think, “Let the perfect time come. Just ex years more. It’ll be great then”. This very moment that you’re living in is that perfect moment. So yeah stop cribbing!

    Sometimes having to wait can be tough. Sometimes heart-breaks can be worse. And failures, oh Crap! That is personal stuff! 😛 I’ve always wondered why can’t things be always great? Why can’t every man you fall in love with be yours. Why can’t I always win? Why didn’t I have all the barbies in the world as a kid? Why do I have to fight? But I’ve fallen in love with this fight. Life’s like so not fun with the fights. So let’s be all energetic and Bring it On!

 May everything bad get the best out of you. Let one of your limitations be your strength. 🙂 Believe yourself. And yeah, hope is every thing. 

When I Came out to MY Pals!

I hate awkward moments. And therefore I hate coming out. And now I’ve come out so many times that I tend to assume that people just know it. Am glad when I had to come out to my mummy-papa  this year, I already had had my demos (like a zillion demos). It’s like mathematics mixed with theater. Difficult yet interesting. Boring yet dramatic. And how I love drama!

    Another thing. This one’s more of a confession. I am extremely awkward while talking to men. More pathetic when they’re wearing their smarty pants. It’s like someone just blow dried me with chilling cold air. I become devoid of all my vocabulary and expression. And I speak of all the shit you could come across on earth. So the year that passed by has been an year full of broken closets for me. And that would be more metaphorical than literal and on more levels than one. That  reminds me of the days at school when the teacher gave your script to another contestant who’d come for the debate competition that you as well went to audition for, only to make you feel like a Smelly cat. But you know it’s not your fault. And this has nothing to do with what I’m gonna type next. It’s good when you can make a transition from a world where you can so not think of anything interesting happening to you, to the one where you at least have a vision. Vision to me is more like a necessary evil. Sometimes I cannot think of anything other than it, but that also becomes the silver lining. Okay so enough of philosophy, let’s get back to my pals.

Credits : Kartik Gupta. I know he has a cool Camera. This time I just felt I should put a picture of mine, since this one’s about me and my pals. The pretty lady with the orange bag is one of my closest friends Stuti. She was the first one I came out to at college. Thank You Stuti. Love ya loads. :*

Thankfully I have a set of friends who’re very good to me. But then I do get some very…. Well let’s just have a look:

Baccha: Uh! Just so that you know, am Gay.

Pal-response(PR) #1: Wow I would have never known you were gay. You look so straight!
(Baccha says: Crap! Why was I even trying to act straight all these years? I’m such an effortless actor. Knew it. Thank You.)

PR #2: I am just curious. Is there something different about your body?

(Baccha says: Yes. I might just have a cave down there. I mean STFU!)

PR #3: Wait you’re not attracted to me right?

(Baccha says: You didn’t hear me. I’m gay not desperate. And no you’re not that pretty :P)

PR #4: If you ever get into a relationship, will you be the husband or the wife?

(Depends yaar! On special occasions I like receiving gifts. But when it’s someone’s birthday, or may be when it’s Christmas I don’t mind giving one.)

PR #5: Aren’t you afraid you’ll get HIV?
(You either didn’t have your share of sex education or you have still not hit puberty.)

PR #6: So how will you have kids?
(It’s not always about reproduction, it’s more about recreation :P)

PS: Remember that people are always going to be awful. And this is not just about gay men and women. But they can be your strength. Let them be your stepping stones and as I always say, “It does get better”.

|| Was born a MUTANT || :P

Picture source:

        How incredible it is to see the way our minds change within just a year. We are constantly evolving and changing. Bullies become supporters. Enemies become friends. Unpleasant moments become happy memories.

        At school I always wanted to be with the cool kids. The people who had a cool set of friends like the one they had in *Friends*. The truth is we are all misfits and our weaknesses and limitations are our strength. No one’s perfect. We are all trying to lead the near perfect life. That is what keeps us going. Some have to fight racism, diseases, break-ups, while others have to suffer abuse and embarrassment. I told a guy, a year younger to me, that I had joined Kathak (an Indian classical dance form) for my self-growth credits and he was quick to answer me back, “Aren’t you ashamed of going for the classes?” Another friend of mine asked me if there was something different about my body. Earlier it befuddled me how unaware some of us were. It doesn’t bother me anymore. Words are powerful. Very very powerful. And we need to keep a check on them. If you are unaware and speak something stupid, that is still pardonable. But knowing and not responding accordingly is sheer stubbornness. I don’t mind being called a girl, a bisexual, a transgender, or any other fancy sexuality you can associate me with. For me what matters the most is whether am being good enough as an individual.

I usually don’t look back and analyze things because I’m not going that way. But I like how I’ve made friends with my bullies. They were just unaware. I’m not upset and I don’t want to be angry. I was once. But I no more am. Anger makes things and situations messier. Don’t crib over how imperfect things were or are. Nobody had a perfect childhood. Nobody had the perfect prom. Nobody is going to get it all. We can only prioritize.

Every situation we go through is a well calculated measure by god. He’s given us a wonder bucket full of hope and talent. And he’s given us a little mug of problems. Sometimes the mug devours on our hope and faith. More like the way how fire feeds on oxygen. We are all mutants with special powers. My father once told me that human beings are the greatest creation of God. We’re lucky to be born as humans. Our superpower is the hope that we live with. Save it up. Preserving it is the key to success. Don’t let the mug take over the bucket. Don’t let the mug empty your wonder bucket. You can make it big. You will make it big. End of story.

Peace in.

When I Came-out to my Mummy Papa!

Mujhe Mummy Papa se bacchaoooooo..!

Picture Source:

And I finally get to post things on my blog which makes me super happy. The WiFi’s finally there and am back to college after a three month break and I finally have high speed Internet. Not that I’m an Internet addict, or am I?
So I came out to my parents like a month ago. I made them read one of my write-ups and it was ahem! Well let’s just stick to focusing on better things in life. So after the catastrophic coming out incident I thought of how it would be for a guy in India to come out to his parents. Let’s have a look:
 Baba: What does this mean? (Pointing at, “And I feel so blessed to be gay”.)
Baccha: Well, there’s something that I wanted to tell you about. This is something very important and I want you to calm down and give yourself the time to accept this. Please don’t over-react.
Baba: But I don’t get this. Who are these gay people?
Mum: How did you get to know about all this stuff? These are bad things. I don’t know what children these days are reading and are exposed to.
(Looks at the father) It’s the internet I tell you.
Baba: I don’t know what to say.
Mum: When did you get to know all of this? This is all non-sense. You’re always with the girls. That’s the reason why you don’t feel that way for girls. Hang out more with the guys.
Men don’t live with men. What a man wants can only be fulfilled by a woman. Who will cook your food?
(What I was thinking: Yeah right, my sister is going to work as much as her husband at the office and will come back home to cook food. Badhiya! Kalol cheezein na sikhaayein mujhe -_- )
*Oh BTW Kalol means Syaapa.*
Baba: A man always needs a woman. There have been so many poets and writers who’ve described women to be the greatest creation of God. Bacche, listen to me. Give yourself the time. Maybe you haven’t met the real girl yet (read as: maybe you haven’t met the girl who can turn you on.)
Mum: Arey it’s the internet and these shows that he’s been watching on his laptop all the time.
You cannot even clean your room. And then you tell you wanna marry a man. This is ridiculous. We’ll talk about it when the time comes. Now you’re young. I’m your mother. God will listen to me. I never gave birth to an abnormal child. You are normal. Things will be alright soon.
(Goes into the kitchen with a devastated face. She’s almost about to cry)
(What I was thinking: I didn’t get the cleaning part. Only women can clean rooms. -_-)
Baba: Listen, you need to calm yourself down. I don’t know what made you think this way. Just make sure you find a solution to all your problems, okay?
Baccha: Yes, Papa. (So now this is a problem. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Mujhe mummy papaa se bachaaoooo!)
Moral Of The Story:
I’ve always found a lot of people being all disheartened after they come out to their parents, especially their mothers. But we need to know that the first reaction of our mothers isn’t the last. It’ll take time to seep in. It’s difficult for any parent. I was almost hopeless in the beginning but I do see instances where she wants to know more about the community. It isn’t acceptance as of now but I’m hopeful that it will get better. Trust me. Give her time. Talk to her. Just don’t give up on her. She is your mother. No matter how difficult it may seem, she will understand. All the best to all the people who’re thinking of coming out sometime. Coming out can be emotionally draining. Keep calm and Remember, it always gets better! 
Peace in.