What I Wear Is Your Business!

     So it’s been a while since I’ve been wanting to write about this. And I’m so glad as I finally sit down to write about this. I’m not a closeted individual. My life is pretty much an open book for all those who’re associated with me. Everybody at my college knows about my sexuality and they’ve been pretty fine with it. But in my family, it’s only my sister. She truly is my backbone. She’s seen me go through the entire tunnel and find that light of hope. And I’ve not been even half as good to her as she has been to me. But I guess I love annoying her and I don’t think I can give up doing that to her. Ah! I am so *Evil*!

       Okay so coming back to the reason why I started writing this post. I’ve been getting a lot of flak for things I tend to wear. Especially from those who know am gay and supposedly respect my individuality. But then through these years, I’ve realized that it is far more easy to just say, “I accept you for who you are”, than to actually do that in practice. With my “gayness” comes my mind, my thoughts, my interests, and my entire existence. And just so that you know, am not talking about anybody else except me. I’m not talking about every gay man out there. I do have an effeminate demeanor that I cannot and I do not even wish to hide. I have a friend who is completely fine with my sexuality and deeply respects the queer community. But the day I came out wearing a ring in my ear, he asserted “You’re becoming too ahead and feminine for our times. This might just back-fire!”. And he isn’t the first one to tell that to me. It does happen at the back of our minds. We haven’t been able to accept the concept of cross-dressing. We can’t help ourselves from looking down upon men who dress in a cropped or strapless shirt, hot pants and even short pants for that matter. We can’t help ourselves from thinking, “Is he like really wearing make-up? Like seriously, mascara?” Duh!  So what? Men have always been getting the flak for dressing in a manner that is not “man-enough”.

     I personally don’t like dressing up like the macho man. And I don’t dress like a girl either. I dress like a girly-man. Yes! That is how I’d like to put it. And there is a difference between the above two. For that matter I wouldn’t even look down upon men who dress like women. I mean, what’s wrong in dressing like that? I have just one life. And I want to do all those things that I want to do in my life until and unless that doesn’t adversely affect the people around me. I don’t judge and I would never. I love wearing skin fit jeans. I love wearing pink and prints. I love wearing shorts. And if given an opportunity, I’d love to wear skirts like the one that Marc Jacobs wears. I find them super cool. And I so hope that I someday get to wear those amazing heels. I absolutely love Ellen for that reason. And I feel so happy to see how people have embraced her. She wears what she wants to wear regardless of what the world wants her to wear. She is such a fearless woman and my love and respect for her quadruples every time I see her on her show. Talking about eccentric dressing, and not mentioning about Freddie Mercury is such a crime! He is probably my biggest fashion influence and how I really look up to him. Unafraid and flamboyant in the truest sense. Even after more than twenty years of his death, I’m amazed by the kind of influence he has on people. And why not? How ahead of times must he have been when he thought of wearing all that he wore during his performances. All that he wrote and all that he sang. Every little thing that he depicted in his songs. I can seriously just go on and on. I’m truly and deeply in love with Freddie Mercury, period.

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     The real problem lies inside our minds. We need to broaden our horizons. We need to define the new normal for us. And we need to teach ourselves to live for ourselves and our family first. Accepting my ‘gay’ tag is the easier part. The real difficulty lies in living with it. Accepting me as a gay individual on the whole, is the real difficulty. If I look like a girl when I wear my shorts, then so be it. What use is my life if I can’t feel comfortable in my own skin. And what I wear is at times also what defines me. I want to be not just comfortable but also happy wearing what I wear. What I wear should be your business. Because that is how you are going to learn to accept it. The world around perhaps wouldn’t want me to wear a skirt. But how am I going to make them accept it if I don’t do that. And I do want to do that. Because it makes me happy.

     I often ask this to people(usually the straight ones) who criticize my demeanor. Imagine yourself in the body of the alternate sex and you were to live like that from the next day . For instance you were a woman who loved wearing her sarees, anarkalis, skirts and dresses. But from the next day you have to act like a man. And acting like a man includes- walking, talking, sitting, eating and even sleeping. You have to do all of that like a man. You have to wear only baggy pants and shirts from that day onward. You have to make love to a woman, because that is what the society wants you to do. And vice versa i.e a  man having to live like a woman from the next day onward. Just imagine! Many of us have to live our lives like that forever. Our gender and our sexuality defines a lot more of our being than what we think it does. So learn to respect the choices that people make. Learn to NOT jump to conclusions. Learn to NOT be judgmental. And honestly I’m not saying that my life is more difficult than yours. We all have to go through the same amount of crap and the equal amount of happiness in our lives. But it is important to accept, live and let live.

18 Replies to “What I Wear Is Your Business!”

  1. The thing is that the society has unwritten laws and notions which are engraved in every individuals thought process, and to change these notions one would have to reform the society from the grass root level…it is the parents and the teachers who enforce gender roles in our mind…and if these people change their ideologies or if when our generation occupies these positions, then maybe one day even men can wear skirts without being condoned. Good article 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Anwesh! I am deeply touched by wat u wrote in dis article.after reading this I hv more respect for all the gay out there….who are struggling to gt there identity as a human being…i hv never given so much thout on dis matter b4…bt after reading dis….i am so much happy n proud for people lyk u cumin out n tellin how it feels lyk to b a gay…hope one day u gt ur fair share in dis hypcrotic society…n walk in streets wearing whatever u wanna..n noone giving a damn to it…AMAZING ARTICLE..much love!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I had to think for about 15 minutes before replying to your comment. Firstly thanks a lot. It makes me so so happy when straight men accept and appreciate what I write. I'm sure the skirt thing will happen some day. 😉 And yeah, thanks Again 😉


  4. Hey Bhaiya… Adya here… wonder if you remember me… I am so glad you came up with this… I wonder when will the day come when the society can truly freely speak about the topic of 'being gay'… which today unfortunately remains what people chose to condone… But your article truly is a step forwards towards that… and that's a lesson for society.. so for that .. HATS OFF and job well done… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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